...waiting...waiting...waiting...

All is ready and waiting.

Anytime now, baby, would be just great!

Can't wait to let everyone know the name that will be stitched in this space.
So eager to meet this little one and to hang the birth announcement with the others in the baby room.

Soon.

Not too long now and I'll be able to hold this new little one in my arms.

I am officially due on Friday.

Exciting!

* * * * *

Photo's from this morning at Henderson Lake. 39 1/2 weeks pregnant.

Hiking in Waterton National Park

In this family, we really enjoy the great outdoors and hiking up in the mountains is one of our favorite things to do. This past Canada Day it was a free pass to get into the Waterton National Park and so we packed a lunch and took the hour and a half drive out of the prairies to the Rocky Mountains.

Despite a day of very mixed weather; cloudy... windy... rainy... sunny... we still had a wonderful time hiking up to Bertha Falls. It took us about 3 hours because of all the times I wanted to stop and take photos!

The scenery was breathtaking... so much more so since it is so rare that we get to enjoy the mountains, lakes, trees and wild flowers.

Not to mention the fresh and woodsy scent of lush forest!

We are so glad we took the time to go... even if I am 30 weeks pregnant and a little slower in my walking than usual!

Such a beautiful way to spend our Canada's birthday... I love this country.

* * * * *

For more photo's of captured beauty, visit here!

What's Better than a Stack of Freshly Laundered Newborn Clothing?

...Having a baby to make use of them, right?


I am almost 30 weeks along and so, so excited.


I adore dressing my babies in pastels and whites, don't you?

... so precious!


Thank you to my dear friend who so generously gifted me with some of these
and many more...

I am thrilled!

Blossoming

I'm 27 weeks along...
6 months pregnant.

Almost to the day of beginning my third trimester it seems my body has changed.

I'm experiencing more discomfort.

My belly feels tight as the skin continues to stretch.

I need to stay focused on the joy this pregnancy has brought.

I need to continue to stay healthy and exercise to keep my mind clear.

I need to remember to be in a state of gratitude for these moments. These last three months will be difficult I know but I don't want to dwell on it. Instead I want to revel in the beauty of life within... the feeling of movement as baby stretches and rolls about.

I am so pleased to be spending these last 3 months during these lighter days of summer. Though the sunshine will be hot, I am so thankful for the light. Winter can be so dreary here and I am glad to be able to get outdoors now in the early morning freshness for my walks and to enjoy outdoor activities during the day... even if it is just in the shade.

* * * * * *

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.

~Anne Frank

Painted Daisy unfurls itself within my garden.

Sneak Peak at 20 Weeks

We went together, on Monday, our 3 boys, as well, to see this new little one. Yes, just on a screen but still so amazing.

We gazed in awe as two perfect little feet emerged from the black on the screen, a little hand five fingers outstretched, an arm...
then a leg. We smiled at the profile with perfect little nose... who will this baby resemble most?

We laughed as the baby responded with little movements and wondered at the beauty of that little heart, pumping so steadily and surely.

We have never seen an ultrasound for any of our boys as clear as this one. Maybe because I had to wait 'till 20 weeks rather than the usual 18?

I went to the doctor this morning to hear the results.

Healthy? Yes!

Boy or girl? We know now and, of course, we rejoice!

Will we tell others? Hubby wants to keep it secret for at least a little while anyway.

I am feeling just a bit strange, knowing. It seems odd to know, and not have the baby to see and hold like I did with my other children. This is the first time we have found out and I am glad we did...

... I just have to let these knew thoughts sink in now.

I feel it
for the first time
during the quiet pause at noon day
as we gather 'round for the reading of the Word.

It's a definite little fluttering of life
deep within the secret place of my womb
and I smile quietly to myself
reveling in the feeling.

It's been so long since
I've experienced this special joy
this delight
this unique form of communication.

My hand finds the place over swelling womb
and I silently thank my God
for His promise of new life
the opportunity to experience this joy

yet again.

17 weeks pregnant

Finding Joy Fridays is sponsored by my dear friend Camie @ My Life in a Blog. Head on over to her blog for more links to finding joy.

"150"

he says, "sounds good."

And I smile, nod, straining to hear around his murmured words.

"Normal's between 120-160."

And I breathe shallow, soaking in the swish, swish sound, the heartbeat of my baby.

Then all too soon, the button is switched to off, the jelly is wiped away and I think, "That's it? Just a few seconds? Do you not understand that I have been waiting weeks for this moment?"

I stare longingly at the Doppler, resting silent on his desk and I wish I could hear that beautiful sound again.

He doesn't understand, obviously, it's not his baby that has been longed for, prayed for, cried for. He's just the doctor, listening to the heartbeats of countless little ones every month.

I pull back the curtain that hid me from the faces of my loved ones. Search husbands eyes, asking, "Did you hear?"

"Clear as day" he says, and smiles.

I resented that curtain. I wanted to see the wonder on the faces of my children when they heard the heartbeat of their new brother or sister tucked within their mother's belly.

The doctor is asking questions, something about "will you choose to abort if tests show a baby with downs-syndrome, spina bifida, etc. etc." and he goes on and on while I shake my head through a haze of disgust and horror that anyone could even think to kill their own baby just because they thought it wouldn't be "perfect".

I am insulted and pained that he would ask and decline to even be tested. Doesn't he realize how I've ached to have another child?

Then I realize it's just protocol. He has to ask, though he knows our answer. I nod, okay, I understand... but I still hurt.

This child is being formed by our heavenly Father. (Psalm 139:13)

We then go on to other things. When do I want an ultrasound? I say I'll wait 'till 19 weeks.

It's booked and we leave the office, heading out into the sunshine of another beautiful March morning and husband says to the children, "Well boys, what do you think?"

We hadn't let them know about the baby until now.

"Mom's gonna have a baby" Jayden says. And that's it. No smiles or hugs or dancing from them. It must need to soak in a bit yet.

But the response of my loving husband was one I'll treasure. A simple hug and kiss by the car door and a whispered, "I'm so happy!"

April 14th is the scheduled day for the ultrasound.

I am excited.

Photo: 13 weeks pregnant

Thoughts at 10 weeks

It's one a.m. and I awake. Don't know what wakes me but mind begins and sleep evades for an hour or more. This is how it's been this week, my 10th week of pregnancy. Tonight it's the same and rather than fight, I get up and softly making my way from the bedroom, I grab pen and paper from the desk and, curled up in woolen blanket, under soft light of single lamp and fireplace glow, I write. I need to get my thoughts out and down into words I can read.

I was 10 weeks along when the agonizing experience of loss ripped through body and soul with my first miscarriage, over 2 1/2 years ago. I thought that I would be fine coming into my 10th week with this pregnancy but the truth is striking, unexpected, real.

I am unsure, unsettled, every twinge, sensation within, is noted. Questions of whether I still feel pregnant or not tumble back and forth through my mind. I feel so well, physically, and maybe the lack of nausea means that something's not right?

And not a day this week has gone by that I haven't thought about the baby I lost.

I haven't spoken of the inner turmoil but I sense that Husband feels it too and that we will both breathe a sigh of relief to see this week pass behind us. I know these thoughts are not realistic or logical but who thinks of that in matters of the heart.

Yet, I am still surprised at my thoughts. I had felt so confident that the Lord was protecting me from fear. And He has and is. It's not so much fear that I feel as just unsettling thoughts about the awfulness of my first miscarriage playing through my mind. And just an eagerness to get to 13 weeks when I will be able to hear the steady and sure rhythm of baby's heartbeat.

On Friday evening, we went out, him and I, just the two of us, for a little shopping. Unplanned and unexpected we found ourselves in the maternity store of the mall. Then to the back, belly pillow in place, with bated breath I tried on an outfit.

I stood there, alone, behind the curtain, gazing at the transformation of my shape. The beauty of a woman with child makes my heart ache. Yes, the "belly" was not real but I knew that beneath, tucked away within my womb was a baby, with fingers and toes already developed, with tiny features beginning to show, a precious body being formed in the image of God and my heart swelled with the wonder of it.

I am anticipating with such excitement the changing of my body as the baby grows. And, yes, with his urging me to do so, we bought some items, though I am hardly showing and won't wear them for a few weeks yet, and then headed out for dessert.

And as we sat, facing each other, he reached across the table for my hand and gently asked, "Have you thought about any names yet?"

I lowered my eyes and shook my head, "I haven't really dared to go there."

He understands.

But the next day I am feeling the need to combat the unsettling thoughts in my head and so we talk, mention different names, ones we've always liked but haven't had the chance to use yet, we look up the meanings and discuss some more. We talk about my thoughts on setting up the baby room, especially the cradle that he built which has rocked all three of our boys. How I long to take it out of storage, clean it, make new bedding for it and just let my hand caress along its rails... and dream.

This is new for us, we are tentative. We haven't hardly talked about the baby together at all yet during these first 10 weeks. Does that seem terrible? Maybe. But, though I have my inner hopes and quiet dreams, I just can't seem to voice them. Voicing them just makes it seem that I am taking it for granted that we can keep this baby. Is my trust in the Lord a little shaky? No. I know that the Lord is sovereign that He knows all things, that He loves me and knows me and I can fully and utterly put my life and that of my baby in His hands.

And so the outward calm portrayed throughout the days this week have in some way managed to mask the inner tumultuous thoughts but as I sit here in the quiet of the night, I know I must continue to pray and search my heart for words of scripture. Never stop. His tender promises soothe my soul.

" For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2Tim. 1:7
"Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord." Psalm 31:24
"And the peace of God which passes all understanding will keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:7

And so I rest in the Lord and the hope and peace He provides. He is my strength and my song.

Grateful beyond words.

Did you read Ann today?

Beautiful...

I had to gulp back sobs as I read...

I can relate to what she wrote in so many ways and to think that I have been so blessed as to, soon... yet again, get to experience the wonder of swelling womb and newborn softness.

Is there anything more humbling than this?

That my Lord would choose me to nurture, within my body, another human being, another eternal soul.

I am grateful beyond words...

Almost 10 weeks pregnant.

Photo: tree in Spring 2009 bursting with new life.

Just a bit of an update on my pregnancy so far.

On Tuesday i went in for a blood test to check my HCG levels and got a call back from my doctor on Wednesday who said they looked great. So that was very encouraging and so then on Monday (being yesterday) i went in again for the same test to see if the levels were increasing and they are! They're not doubling every few days like some of the sites i've read say they should but i know that that doesn't necessarily mean anything and that the Lord is in control, He has this child in His hands and I trust in Him...

...and so as long as i continue to feel well, i won't be going in for any more tests or ultrasounds or anything until my 13th week when hopefully the doctor will be able to hear the heartbeat!

I sincerely want to thank you all for your prayers of health and safety for the baby and peace for me. i am feeling very good and am getting excited about having a really healthy pregnancy.

Lots of fresh, cool, colorful smoothies and salads throughout the summer months! And lots of walking and relaxing out of doors. I want to enjoy this pregnancy to the full and if being healthy keeps me energized and joyful then i'm gonna do my utmost to eat as best i can and to be as active as possible.

I am so deeply thankful for the chance to experience another pregnancy, all of the good and even the sometimes not-so-good aspects of it all....

Photo credit here

I've got something to tell you...

I'm pregnant!

"Rejoice in the Lord always, and again i say, REJOICE!" Philippians 4:4

This has been such an amazing answer to prayer. After my miscarriage in October, i prayed and i know others prayed that i would conceive again soon and that i would have hope and peace about the future. And God gave me those things... a quiet hope that i would have another child again someday and a peace that He loved me and cared deeply for me. And now i have conceived again just two months later!

"I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me." Psalm 13:6

After having two miscarriages, i admit that i am a little nervous but...

"it is good for me to draw near to God; i have put my trust in the Lord God and made Him my refuge, that i may tell of all (His) works." Psalm 73:28

So i continue to pray for peace and for the strength to put my trust and hope in the Him. When i can't seem to find the words, i turn to His Word and have been dwelling on this promise:

"You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.

So trust in the Lord(commit yourself to Him, lean on Him, hope confidently in Him) forever; for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock [the Rock of Ages]." Isaiah 26:3&4

Normally i would never tell my friends that i was expecting until i was at least 12 weeks (i'm almost 5 weeks now) but i have really felt strongly that i need to let others hold me up in prayer as well and so i am letting you know so that we can rejoice together in His faithfulness and pray that He will guard and protect this new life within me.

And i feel such a confidence that no matter what... He is good and i will praise Him.